Tuesday, May 5, 2009

looking but not seeing

There have been many instances in my life where things would be right in front of my face, but I didn't really see it, or I'd have a weird, distorted view of it and realize later what was actually going on. And I can't help but feel like a similar situation is happening right now with my appearance. Actually, there are a lot of things going on in that department, but let's just concentrate on the hair for right now...lol

My Mom has been nagging/harassing me lately to cut my hair, because in her view, I look like a "Korean ghost." lol..In addition to looking sloppy and unpolished. I hope I don't look like a walking ghost, but I can't be a honest judge of that... I know I can't always see things objectively when I look in the mirror, but I try to put myself "together" before going out in public or atleast, put on some makeup. But after hearing my Mom say these things, I can't help but wonder if I do project this type of image. If I actually do look like a dirty hippie, or like the type person who is so attached to her hair that she's unwilling to cut it, even though she clearly does not look good w/ this type of hairstyle. I don't know...

I know I shouldn't be attached to something like hair esp. since it grows back, but I don't know, I have this weird phobia that if I cut it I'm going to regret it and it'll take me foreeeveerr to grow back. and I guess another hangup is that I think my hair is the only good asset I have, which I know violates every self-confidence rule and watever, but it's true. I don't know, maybe that should be more reason for me to chop it off. I don't know, maybe I need a change in my life...the past few days have been a big "i don't know."




My current haircut. Not too bad right? I cut it myself after a botched attempt at trimming my ends at home and then going to Borics to have them "fix" it. I decded to take matters into my own hands and fix the "professional's" mistakes at home. Lucikly, I was able to straighten it out and cut some layers. I got a little scissor happy, so the front is a bit short, but not bad for someone who didn't go to beauty school..lol

I have from now (2:50 am) to 9:oo am to decide whether I want to cut my hair. My mom set up an appointment for me at 10:00 am, so if I decide not to cut my hair I have to make a decision by 9. we'll see what happens...